is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
