just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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