dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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