Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
