So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
