i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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