i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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