Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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