you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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