After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
