I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
