I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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