okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Randomize
