Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
