Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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