would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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