If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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