omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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