Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
