I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
