And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
