are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
