At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Did I show you my penis last night?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Less talking, more tequila
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
