so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
