apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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