It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
