I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
