drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
