if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
