no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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