i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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