He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
