she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
