so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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