dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
