just tell him i said nine months
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
