I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
