first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Those nachos came to me in a dream
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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