he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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