last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
