been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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