babies were throwing up all over the place
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
