wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Randomize
