there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
