Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You can't special order awesome
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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