I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
No subtext here. People are naked.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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