I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
