they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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