you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
