I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
