I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
